- You spend half a month's salary on pregnancy tests
- and the other half on twizzlers and cheetos when they all turn out negative (oh, wait maybe that is just me)
- you have ever ran to your closet after "you know what" to hide and stand on your head (seriously, we do this)
- every time you walk into a doctor's office you instinctively take off your pants (which ordinarily would not be a problem until you realize that you are at the pediatrician's office for your child's back to school physical)
- you have had to restrain yourself from just beating the crap out of people who say "I think it's time to try for another one" or "do they know what is wrong with you yet"
- you spend hours in the baby section at Wal-Mart "just looking" and then get pissed off when someone comes and actually has to buy something...for their REAL baby
- you have been know to talk to your uterus (come on girl, you can do it!)
- You become infuriated when you see mothers who have no business being mothers
- and you have maybe even considered (even if just for a millisecond) just taking one of those precious babies from one of those bad mothers and running far-far way
- You hate Angelina Jolie, because apparently she can grow babies in her back yard
- you have a pillow for your butt (it is a gravity thing)
- you have ever set your alarm clock for sex
- you are no longer afraid of needles
- you know you are dealing with infertility when you hear a baby cry and your eyes well up with tears or when hearing the joyous news of someones new pregnancy makes you secretly sick to your stomach or when you no longer feel happy just to hold someone elses baby, it now makes you kind of...sad, but you do it and you put a smile on your face and you say congratulations and make a big fuss, then you go home cry your eyes out and break out the cheetos and twizzlers again.
And those are the secrets of being infertile!
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