Saturday, August 7, 2010

My Resignation

For some reason over these last few days I have been more obsessed than usual with having a baby. I have wanted a baby for the last 5 years, but it is seriously all I have been thinking about lately. It is the kind of "want" that makes you want to kick, scream, and throw things. I feel like maybe just maybe if I jump up and down screaming or throw myself on the floor kicking then maybe someone will hear me and give me what I want.

I even decided (apparently because I love torture) to watch my old home videos from when I was pregnant with my son. I thought that would be a fabulous idea. It wasn't.

I am concluding that this latest "baby fit" has been brought on by my going to a baby shower the other day (you are thinking..."yep, that'll do it"). I went to a baby shower for a sweet girl who I had prayed and prayed would get pregnant. She did. My heart really is filled with true joy for her blessing. It is also filled with despair - all for me.

I have literally prayed for a dozen girls who came to me seeking advice. They heard my story and shared theirs with me, and I promised to pray for them as well as be here if they ever wanted to talk. Well, I did my part and eventually they have all become pregnant or had babies by now. I understand that sometimes God allows us to go through trials so that we may share them with others. Our "problems" are a vehicle for God to do his work. I am so grateful that God has used me over these last five years. I have been humbled and blessed by the girls I have met and the stories I have heard. But, I'm done!!! I am ready to pass this torch on to the next chick. I am ready to get in a new down a new path. Please!!!!

I have reached the point of kicking and screaming...something must change soon.

Dear God,
It is without any regret that I inform you of my desire to retire from my current role as the "All Knowing Infertile Girl." I feel that I have been very effective in this position and have mastered the tasks set before me. It has been an honor to be the AKIG for the last five years, I have learned much and am now ready for a new challenge. In an effort to reach my full potential in this industry I am asking that I be considered for the next available opportunity in the Motherhood Department. I am available to begin immediately. A resume and references are available if needed. I will be anxiously awaiting to hear from you.

Truly Yours,