Suck it Up!

So, I must apologize for not updating sooner. School has started and I just have found myself much busier than normal...that's a lie.

The truth is, I have purposely stayed away from the blog to avoid admitting, yet again, that my body, mind and faith have failed me. I guess it just reminds me that I am still...infertile.

So, "suck it up" I have said to myself. I am carrying on. There is good news to report though...I have managed by some miracle to stick to my diet (the one that is supposed to increase my fertility and not jack up my ovaries, but we are not counting the 2 days following the infamous phone call of doom...there was a lot of carrot cake involved and we are just going to overlook those...right???) anyway...I am at my lowest weight in 10 years!!!! Yay, Me!!! My goal is to use this opportunity (the not being pregnant one) to lose more weight, so that when I do get pregnant I can get fat, but be less fat than I would have been had I not lost more weight...make sense?? Well, it does to me, sort of.

As part of campaign "SUCK IT UP and move on with my life" I have decided to make a list of positive things that have resulted from my negative results...make sense??? Also, since I am going to take a short break from medical assisted fertility, these are things I can look forward to.

• no more getting up at 5:30 am for doctor's appointments...instead I will be getting up at 6:30 am to face 21 second graders (there are days I'd rather see the doctor)
  
• less visitors up in my "lady business" (aka Gloria) for awhile...that ultrasound wand was just getting a little too comfortable in there
• I can keep my pants on
  
• no more shots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• less hormones raging within my being
  
• maybe now the metamorphosis into Mega-Bitch will be a little less frequent (hence, the less hormones) Disclaimer: NO PROMISES HERE!!!!
  
• no more sweat attacks!!! perhaps sweat will now only appear from places in which it is meant to, and only after a vigorous workout (which is likely to happen...never)
• wine, wine glorious wine!!! We have been apart for too long my friend.
• random sex!!! no more calendars or alarm clocks to tell me when I have to "do it"
• no more binge eating and tremendous guilt afterward...wait, scratch that...this probably will never go away
• no morning sickness (although, secretly...I'd puke my guts out every single day if that is what it takes to get me a baby!!!)
• no weight gain (but again, I'd gain a million pounds if that is what it took)
• ok...wait...this list is starting to make me sad....

The point is, I am trying to be positive and look at the bright side...but the truth is, I'd give just about anything to be pregnant. I am going to "suck it up" but I am not going to give up! I still have faith...renewed faith even. I believe that this is going to happen for me. Until it does, I will continue to find the positive things to get me through it!


I guess the best thing about not being pregnant this month is that...we can just keep trying!!!!