Over the last 24 hours I have literally put myself in INFERTILE HELL!
First, I attended a baby shower last night (that in it self is hell for an infertile) but this was no ordinary baby shower - there was not one pregnant belly, not two pregnant bellies, not even three...there were 4 beautiful pregnant bellies...F-O-U-R!!! It just so happens that I have 4 pregnant friends and they were all in one place last night. The thing is, I love them - and I promise you I am happy for them. I really really am. But, I am honestly and completely jealous of them! I am jealous of their morning sickness, swollen ankles, stretch marks, and extreme fatigue...I am jealous of every minute of it! I try not to be. I keep telling myself that I should be happy with what I have - and I am. But I also want a pregnant belly of my own. I want my friends to gather and celebrate the birth of my next child - I want a sibling for my son. I don't want to be the secretly sad girl that everyone feels sorry for at the next baby shower.
Oh, and to make my first stop in Infertile Hell a real hoot - I decided that I would stick to my diet and forgo the wine that was readily available - why did I do that?? (note to self: next time you are at a baby shower...TIP IT!!!)
The ride is not over yet.
Next stop - Fertility Doctor...
So, we went back to the doctor today. Finally decided to sit down with him and take a look at what went wrong with our IVF cycle. Here's the kicker...
nothing went wrong. Everything was exactly perfect!!!
eggs - perfect!
uterus - perfect!
sperm - perfect!
He basically said that I had a 60-70 percent chance of getting pregnant and he has no friggin' clue as to why I didn't!
Everything that needed to happen for the cycle to be successful happened. I believe he even called it "textbook". Geesh! I guess that is what I get for being the Infertile Goddess!! I do have a reputation to uphold.
I think I was better off not knowing the truth. In my mind it didn't work because there was some terrible medical mix up and the doctors were going to make it up to me by throwing in a fresh IVF cycle - on the house!!!
There is some good news though...my husband is making a FULL recovery (if you know what I mean) from the chemotherapy! Things are looking good!!
Also - on the note of good news...I am down 9 lbs!!! I still have about 15 to go - but YAY, it's a start!
I am ready to say goodbye to this placed called Infertile Hell - and I have no interest in sending post cards!!!
Wine and Chocolate 5k...and Marathon Man
1 year ago