So it is Lent, which is the time of self sacrifice in an effort to prepare for Easter - the ultimate sacrifice.
So what will I sacrifice????
I tried Facebook...yeah, that didn't work. I also thought about giving up my obsession with trying to get pregnant...that is pretty much like telling a fat kid he has to stop eating cookies. So, I decided if I can't give up my obsession, I will change my approach.
So in observance of Lent I am going to stop praying that I will get pregnant. I am going to stop counting days. I am going to stop using ovulation kits, and I will not buy a pregnancy test for the next 40 days (minus 4...since we are already into this thing by a few days). Instead, I am going to be thankful for the things I do have. I am going to thank God for the things he has blessed me with instead of begging for the things he hasn't.
My goal is to have a heart of thanksgiving for the next 40 days. I know, we should all have that all of the time...I am human however. You get what you get!
I was supposed to start my next round of fertility treatments yesterday, but I canceled my appointment...and decided to just take my time. Maybe I need to get my heart and soul in a better place right now...hence the whole "heart of thanksgiving" idea.
I am not doing this thinking I will get pregnant...now don't get me wrong...I always think I will get pregnant. I have, in the past, resorted to flipping coins, saying if I make it home with no red lights then that is a sign, or when the date is an even number I think surely that is a good sign that I will be pregnant, oh and let's not forget about that Facebook quiz that predicted that I will be pregnant by the end of 2009...well guess what????
No, this is not a ploy to outsmart God, or to do reverse psychology on my body...but it is truly an attempt at stepping back and saying...you know my life really doesn't suck, I have so many things to be thankful for, however I am usually too busy complaining about my fertility issues to notice.
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