Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Giving it my best Shot!

So I am on day 2 of my IVF treatment plan. So far it has gone like this:

Yesterday I took a total of 15 pills, yes that is a 1 and a 5! And the gave myself 2 injections.

Today I am down to just 5 pills and 2 injections!

For the next 10 or so days I will follow this schedule!! oh, wait I forgot...on Friday I will add a third injection and a lot more pills to my cocktail. Can it get any better??? Oh, yes it can. Over the next month I will take more pills, give myself more shots, have two "surgical" procedures, and have things put in places that I will not even mention...all in an effort to have a child. And, I get to pay money for every last bit of it!

So far I don't seem to have made the transformation into raving lunatic bitch yet...however if you ask my husband he may tell you a different story. And, after all it is only day two.

I don't like to think about the dreaded two weeks at the end of the month. Those are probably the darkest and most miserable days in the life of an infertile. The two week wait. They might as well call it the "Two weeks of being too scared to do anything including go to the bathroom, sneeze ,or cough for fear that you might accidentally push your baby out and ruin the whole thing."

Can that really happen? Probably not...but in the mind of a hormone ravaged, baby deprived, stressed out, financially broke, infertile... it so could.

So, we'll give it our best shot and see how it goes! No sneezing allowed!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Birth Control??

Surgery is over and I am polyp free! It was a cake walk considering everything that has been going on in my household over the last 6 months!

Actually, I really enjoyed the anesthesia induced nap...TREMENDOUSLY!

Here is a little known secret of being infertile...birth control pills are actually used to help you get pregnant. Yes, my doctor put me on birth control pills last month in order to regulate and suppress my body's hormones. So that I have a better chance of getting pregnant. Weird, right? Birth control as part of a fertility plan????

So, tonight I took my last birth control pill. And if I have it my way it will be my last pill for the rest of my life!!!!

I don't care if I end up pregnant with 8 babies this time. I don't think I could ever purposely prevent another pregnancy for the as long as I live. I mean when I think about all of the times that we were being "careful" I just feel sad - and think of it as a missed opportunity. I had no idea it was going to be this hard to make it happen. So, I have decided that I will never miss an opportunity to be a mother again. If I am 45 and by some miracle I end up pregnant -then it will be just that...a miracle!

And, forget surgical solutions - to think that my options would be eliminated forever makes me want to cringe. It is kind of one of those "don't know what you got 'till it's gone" things. I have never given my baby making business the credit that it truly deserves. In the past I took being fertile for granted. I complained every month when the "time" came (well, I still kind of of that...a lot). I remember a few times even praying that I wasn't pregnant because the "the time wasn't right" - now I consider that a form of blasphemy!

I am so thankful for every aspect of being a woman! When IT happens I am going to praise the Lord for every cramp, morning of sickness, pee sneeze (you know what that is), labor pain, stretch mark, and ounce of fat that it takes!!! It will all be worth it!

And the only birth control that I will practice - will be falling asleep before he does!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Here goes EVERYTHING!!!

Tomorrow I will walk into a doctor's office and write a check for over three thousand dollars! I am currently sick to my stomach - especially because that does not even cover the entire cost. Of what you ask...well a little something called Invetro-Fertilization.

Let me back up a little...

My husband has been doing great with his chemotherapy treatments. So great that he had a PET scan after treatment number 4 and it showed that the cancer was GONE!!! This good news sent us into an oblivion of bliss - as you might imagine. We decided that this news means we should go on with our plans for growing our family.

Remember the frozen junk?? Well it is time to use it or lose it! It turns out that with all of my problems we really aren't good candidates for artificial insemination...which of course only costs around 2 thousand dollars. Nope, apparently we are high rollers when it comes to being infertile so we qualify for the 10 thousand dollar program...know as IVF.

Last week I went in for my baseline ultrasound and they found a polyp in my uterus (of course they did). Turns out I can grow pretty much anything in there...except a baby. Tomorrow I will have surgery to remove it. I will also begin the roller coaster (IVF) that will hopefully end with a bouncy beautiful baby (or two...or three - who knows).

Which brings us to writing the biggest fattest check that I have ever written...and praying that my investment pays off!

We are literally putting all of our eggs in one basket...

Here goes everything!