So, in an effort to 'turn over a new leaf' (code for stop being such a complaining mega B) I have dove deep into my faith and found it quite promising.
Here are a few things you may not have figured out yet...
1. I'm blond...just so ya know.
2. I'm 31...too young for fertility problems...right???
3. I'm a Christian.
I said Christian, not Saint! I am not perfect. I have been known to drop a curse word here and there, I don't go to church every single Sunday, and I don't believe it is a sin to enjoy an occasional adult beverage. But, I do absolutely believe that God is the God of miracles and that through his son Jesus I have been given the gift of eternal life. I also believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the scriptures and I even believe that some of them were written solely for me.
With that being said, let me share with you the latest gift I have been given...a glimmer of hope...a hint of a promise...a scripture written just for me.
Hebrews 10:36 & 37
" You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised, for in just a very little while."
And this one...
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
My take on this...
I believe that God promised me that I will be a "joyful mother of children." I believe that I will have more children. This is a desire of my heart. It is a desire that my entire family shares. We are all in agreement. I believe that this is a promise that God made to me. Now, some people say "well if it were God's will it will happen," and I believe this too. But, I also believe that if it were not in God's will for me to have more children then he would take that desire away from me, my husband, and my son. We have this desire so greatly so I believe it is my promise. Our promise.
I believe that if I continue to have hope and not let it waver and stay within God's will then my promise will be given to me. This is what I believe. What is God's will for me? Am I in it? This I am still trying to figure out...but maybe that is the whole point of all of this fertility nonsense...maybe God is just trying to show me something that I couldn't see on my own.
But, wait (I say to myself) what about all of those terrible crack ho skanks who keep getting knocked up over and over again...why does God make it so easy for them??? (And I answer myself) Maybe, because God has something special in mind for me, maybe because God thinks I am capable of more than that, maybe because God wants me to seek out the promise that he has given me. Maybe I will get more out of this than just a pregnancy. Maybe the getting pregnant part was just the first step in an even more incredible journey. Maybe it was about more than just getting pregnant.
Whatever it may be...I believe God.
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