To Pee or not to Pee???

So I am currently 4dp5dt (in English that means 4 days past 5 day transfer). I have done pretty good trying not to obsess about it. I have kept busy and have spent some quality time with my son!

I, of course, think I am pregnant (there is not an infertile in the world who does not think she is pregnant after a treatment cycle). I feel pregnant. I have had a few signs that could absolutely point to pregnancy. They could also be the side effects of the massive amounts of hormones that I am on - but I choose to believe the pregnancy theory!

One thing is for sure - I am eating junk food like it's my job. I know I am not supposed to be doing that...It all relates back to that whole emotional eater thing I have going on. I have considered going out for a walk or a bike ride instead of stuffing my face - but really food sounds and looks so good right now!

I am currently having an internal debate regarding whether or not I should take a home pregnancy test. Last time we did IVF - I did not. I just waited for the blood test...we all know how that turned out. The thing with HPTs is that I could take it too early and it might not detect what it needs to in order to give an accurate result. Which I think is a good thing...because if it were to be negative...I really don't have to accept that as a definitive answer. But...then I again I guess that would work the same way if it were to say positive...hmmm.

Here is the thing...I believe that this is the path that God has set us on. I believe that this is what he has for me. I am not hopeful or wishful. I am faithful. I KNOW it IS going to happen...I hope it is now! I think it is now! I want it to be now!

I will admit that yesterday I went to the drug store with the sole intention of buying a HPT...when I found, to my surprise, that they had them locked up behind a glass cabinet. What??? So I went to the pharmacist to ask him to open it but chickened out when I saw that they had replaced the old man pharmacist with a super young Abercrombie model!! What the??? Isn't there like an age requirement for dealing with super important medicines and such. And people that hot shouldn't also get to be smart...totally not fair...or rather greedy on their part. Anyway - I don't know what came over me...it is not like I am shy when it comes to my fertility. I think I allowed myself to chicken out because I am still not sure if I want to pee on a stick or not!

Now that is a dilemma that I bet most (normal) people don't have! (It's just another part of The Secret Life of the Infertile!)