A Season for Miracles

i sit here tonight just days away from my embryo transfer with a faithful heart. I am not sure if I can begin to explain all of the little miracles that I have seen take place over these last few weeks.

Two days ago I had my egg retrieval. They were able to get 19 eggs from the follicles that were growing....19 eggs!!! That is way more than last time. A few hours after the procedure my nurse called to tell me that of the 19 - 12 had fertilized! This is great news! Because of our numbers we are probably looking at a 5 day transfer. So that means in just three days from now...I will be pregnant! Amen.

This whole process has seemed a little different than last time. Well, for starters...my husband is not in the midst of a cancer battle and is totally cancer free! (Praise the Lord) Second, I just feel so faithful...not hopeful, not whimsical. I feel real, actual, confident FAITH! I don't feel like I am forcing feelings. I just feel like this is our time! Not to mention - how things have just "worked out" for us. I said this before but I have to share it again - last year we paid over $12,000 for our IVF cycle - this time it has only cost around $4,500!!! A huge miracle! A major miracle! The drug company donated ALL of my injectible medicines (usually costs about $3,000) - we did not pay a dime! God gave me that medicine. God lead us to a Christian doctor who has compassion and generosity in his heart! God has had his hand in this process.

God has been so good to my family. I honestly feel guilty for asking for more. But I believe that having another child (or children) is a promise that God gave me. I will cling to that promise. I have seen so many small signs and miracles happening around me - I feel like they are just glimpses of what God is about to do for us. I believe that God gave me this desire and I believe that God will satisfy this desire. If for some reason I am wrong and this is not my time - I will not lose faith. I will be sad, but I will still love God and my faith will not waver!

Over the last 10 years of my life Satan has tried to steal my joy and shatter my faith...here are some examples:

- two miscarriages
- financial hardships
- loss of a parent
- 4 failed fertility treatments
- husband diagnosed with cancer
- families that we loved being destroyed
- disappointed by loved ones/friends

My list is probably no longer than anyone elses when you think about it. If you were to make a list of all of the major "bad" things that have happened in your life your list may very well be longer and more devastating than mine...but our trials are not what is important...it is how we got through them.

It would have been very easy for me to get angry and blame God for all of those things - but instead I cry out and praise Him for all of the good things that he has done for me! I praise him when I win and I praise him when I lose! I am thankful that I could lean on God and my faith in Him during all of those dark times.

God has never left me - even when I have been far-far away...God was there. He has never forsaken me and I don't believe that he is going to start now. As I said before I believe that this is my time! It is after all...a season for miracles!