(Here is the part where you start judging me...but at least you know I'm honest.)
I am so glad that God heard my prayers and gave me this blessing! I guess I just forgot about all of the trials that come along with bringing a new baby into this world.
In my mind things were going to go much smoother than they have so far. I was supposed to come home from the hospital, put my baby on my breast and nurse him until he gave a beautiful satisfactory burp, then cuddle him for hours each day until he was blissfully exhausted and fell fast asleep in his bassinet. I pictured my whole family laying in my bed every evening all cooing and laughing together while Liam stares at us with smiling amazement. I also pictured myself shrinking to a size six...needless to say none of this has happened.
Instead, we spend much of our day trying to figure out why the baby is crying, trying to make him stop crying, and then trying to get him to go to sleep if nothing else works. At virtually every moment of the day someone in this house is crying - a lot of times that someone is me.
It never occurred to me that I may have a 'cryer'. Or worse, a colicky baby. We have not gone as far as to diagnose him with colic yet - but we are heading down that path.
It seems that this child has not yet made peace with his new world. If he is not eating or sleeping he is usually crying. I, as his mother, should be able to make him stop...right? I should be able to provide him with the comfort that he needs to feel secure in this world...right? Well, it hasn't happened yet. Even when I hold him he is often kicking and screaming as if to say "you are the worst mother ever!" I know that this is not the case, but at times it sure seems that way. I think the only thing that could make this child happy would be shoving him back up into my uterus for a few more months (man, I wish I was a kangaroo!). Obviously, that can't happen...so we try everything else.
Here is the thing, I don't care if he cries. I mean I care, but I know babies cry. It does not bother me if he needs to blow off steam. But his crying "episodes" are more like fits of screaming rage. He seems so angry - yet he's so tiny...what could he possibly be so pissed about? It just breaks my heart to see him so unhappy and to know that I can't fix it.
We have tried all of the 'colic cures' out there...and I'm not saying that they won't work. I am still hoping that we will have a breakthrough soon! I am also praying and believing (I have had success with that so far!) that God will bring my sweet boy happiness and contentment. But, until then I am just trying not to lose my mind...and crying on occasion.
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| He might be a cryer...but he's a cute cryer!! |
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