Should We Tell Him?

Someone recently asked me if I am going to tell the baby how he was conceived...when he is older of course.

Honestly, I had never thought about it. I mean I am not shy or ashamed about going through IVF. I feel like it was an honor to be a part of something so miraculous. But...do people who conceive the "regular" way tell their children??? I mean, does a mom sit down with her son and say, "on the night you were conceived mommy had over indulged in some blackberry Merlot, and it was daddy's birthday, so we parked behind the Pic-n-Save..."

Probably not.

I will probably tell my son about how he came into this world...one day. But, I don't feel like the rules are different just because we had to go the IVF route. I want him to know how long we prayed and how much we wanted him. I also want him to know how much money he cost us - oh yeah, that will be thrown out there more than once, I'm sure! (kidding...sort of) I certainly don't feel obligated to tell him though.

The thing with IVF is - you don't really get it until you have had to go down that road. I don't think anyone would choose this as a way of conceiving unless they had to. I mean, it is not exactly fun. Or cheap. It involves a lot of painful procedures, expensive medicines, lots and lots of time and emotions, and it is not at all romantic. I prayed that one day I would just wake up pregnant, but that didn't happen. So, this was the path that we chose. I don't regret it. And, I am not at all ashamed of it.

I find myself telling anyone who asks (and even some who don't) about it. I want people to understand that it should not matter how this precious sweet baby boy gets here...just that he gets here, period!

This is Liam...5 days after fertilization (and several months in a freezer)...this, my friends, is what a miracle looks like!

Happy Scared!

It's becoming more and more real...in just a few weeks I will have the baby that I have spent years praying for. I am excited, honored, humbled, ecstatic, amazed, and frankly scared to death.

Why am I scared?

Well, for starters I haven't had a baby around in about 9 years. I have NO REGRETS, but it is just a little scary (in a good way) when I think about how much my life is about to change. I worry that I won't have enough time to get everything done. I just spent the last hour laying in bed reading a magazine debating whether or not I should take a bubble bath...that probably won't happen again for another ten years! But, it will be worth it, I know!!

I am scared because I just can't believe how good God has been to me. I am so blessed that it is scary (again, in a good way). Don't get me wrong...I knew this day would come, I just never considered how emotional it will be to realize that everything you have asked God for is being given to you - WOW. It is hard to even imagine it. God heard my cries and he answered them. He really loves me that much!

There was a time after my husband was healed from cancer that I thought - this was it. There was no way God would give us our miracle baby now because I was pretty sure that we had already reached our "Miracle Quota" with the whole cancer healing thing...that thought only stuck around for a short time...and I am so glad I was wrong!

For the last few days every time I pick up an article of baby clothes, a baby blanket, or even go into the baby's room my eyes fill with tears. I am just so overwhelmed by the thought that this really is a miracle and it is really happening (I am sure it has nothing to do with being 33 weeks pregnant with hormones coming out of my ears).

God truly is giving me what I asked for. This pregnancy has gone perfectly for the most part. Every test I have had has come back with good results, all of my appointments have gone well - things are simply perfect!

My house is beginning to look like a baby lives in it. There is some sort of baby apparatus or baby paraphernalia in virtually every room. From swings, to bouncy seats, to pack and plays - you name it...it's probably here somewhere. When I had my first son we lived in an adorable 1300 square foot house, this time around our house is more than double that size and I must tell you...I miss my little house! I have baby stuff spread out everywhere. The baby's room is upstairs and our room is down stairs, so in an effort to not drive myself nuts we have created a temporary nursery in our bedroom. So now I have baby stuff in my room as well as upstairs in his room - I am certain that I am going to lose something at some point...let's just hope it's not the baby! I am trying to convince myself that if I leave some baby items upstairs it will force me to go up and down the stairs and get "exercise" at the same time...yeah, we'll see how long that lasts!

Pregnancy Progress:
I went to the doctor yesterday. Everything is right on track! The baby is doing well and things seem to be on schedule. I have had some contractions here and there, Braxton-Hicks I'm sure. They are not regular so it really isn't anything to worry about. I had my older son about 3 weeks early, I know that doesn't mean anything this time around - but let's just say I wouldn't mind if it did.

33 weeks and counting!!

One year ago today I was still getting over a failed IVF and miscarriage. This baby was just a prayer on my lips...now he is boy in my womb. God is so good! I am thankful!!