Little Did I Know

Tonight while I was searching for something in my closet, I came across a box of high school memory (junk) stuff. I sat for a minute rifling through the box remembering how I thought life was "tough" back then...boy, I didn't know jack! Then I realized that my precious box of high school memories sits in my closet right next to my breast pump (because, there was a time when I was not infertile...goddess, yes...infertile, no). And this discovery made me realize there are so many things in my life that I either never dreamed I'd have to go through or never even gave a second thought about...until now.

For instance, I never imagined I'd ever own, much less use a breast pump. And I certainly never thought I'd be so excited when it arrived via UPS that I'd answer the door...mid feeding...but I did.

I always knew I would have children, I never once considered all of the "gross" things I'd have to do in the process. And, don't deny it...you know there is some grossness involved.

I never imagined that there could be anything better to do on a Friday night than cheer at a football game. Now, I am usually in my pajamas by 5:30 on Friday nights...thanking the Lord that I have no where to go.

Back then I would have never even thought of mentioning anything regarding "girl problems" in front of a boy. Now, I have an ovulation calendar on my refrigerator. (And, I don't even take it down when guests come over...I mean, the secret is kind of out.)

I remember trying to preserve every flower a boy had ever given me. You know, I would dry them out and smash them in a book or something. Well, I am still preserving stuff - but it sure ain't roses!

Oh, and I remember thinking that appendicitis was like the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. And, if I heard that someone had Mono I'd, you know...discreetly keep my distance (although the thought of being excused from school for all of those days sure was tempting)...well, now my husband has cancer and I want nothing more than to be right next to him every second of every day. I have suddenly become this agent/manager/event coordinator for my husbands health.

I never thought I'd have a calendar of chemotherapy schedules, surgical procedures, and medical appointments. I never in a million years ever truly thought I'd have to deal with such issues as infertility or worse...cancer.

I long for the day when I had my wisdom teeth taken out, boy did I milk that!!! I thought that the world was surely going to end.

Little did I know...

It's Official

Ok...now it's official...Cancer it is. Major suckish!

Well, I guess this opens up a whole new chapter in my life. It is weird, but I am kind of relieved to have the diagnosis...at least now we know (for sure) what is wrong...and we know how to fix it. The waiting and going back and forth was killing me.

You know that saying "God can only give you what you can handle" ? Well, I would just like to say: God, apparently you have me mistaken for someone else...I am soooo not good at handling stress. Seriously, this is a really bad idea. I am the weak one...he is the one that has everything under control....NOT me!!!

Here goes nothin'....