No Pressure or Anything!

Vacation is officially over...now the real fun begins!

We recently spent a week in the mountains. We rented a cabin, hiked, went rafting, saw waterfalls, explored caves, and even saw a bear! It was an amazing vacation. The best part about the whole thing was that not once did we talk about fertility or cancer. Not once! We just enjoyed each other. We slept late and played all day. It was glorious!

I must admit, as weird as it sounds, when the vacation was coming to a close...I was actually ready. I think that is the sign of a great vacation. It did it's job (the vacation, I mean)...we had fun, totally escaped reality for a bit, but when it was over we were prepared and ready for the fight that was ahead of us. On the way home I actually started to get excited. Not about cancer, chemo, or the chryopreservation that we were about to encounter, but about being one step closer to being OVER it! I, for the first time, was able to see past all of the crap that lies ahead and see that there is a very bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel.

It became clear to me that our lives were not going to be defined by cancer or infertility...these are just "bumps in the road." Trials and opportunities. I know that we will have a life after cancer, we will also have more children. I know this! Even though it is not going to be an easy road...there is still a road!! We are still in this race! Don't count us out yet!!!

I remind myself everyday of people who are going through way more suckish stuff than we are, it could always be worse. I am thankful for every moment that I have that is considered a "good moment" and even the bad moments can be useful...they help us realize how good the good ones actually are.

In two days my husband will have his port put in...this will be a big day. The day that means this is real...the party is O-fficially starting. It also means that we are on our way to getting past it.

Next Monday is "chryo" day. Wow...for me that one is a little tougher (remember how I like to make things all about me...well, there ya go!). This means that my chances of having a "natural" child are getting very slim (not like they were great before). I honestly am fine if we do have to adopt...I really am. But, is is just knowing that I may only have one shot (literally) at conceiving a child that makes me very anxious.

No pressure or anything, right?