another month...

Another month has come and gone and I am still not pregnant...big surprise there!

We are trying naturally right now and well, we are naturally having no success. I am taking an oral medicine that is only for my blood sugar issues (that come along with PCOS) but other than that we are just letting nature takes it's course...which apparently doesn't involve getting me pregnant.

I do believe that it will happen. I do. I do. I do. I know that I will be blessed with another child, maybe even more than one. I am just tired of waiting. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of being disappointed. If nothing else the waiting gives me a chance to improve my health...however I just gorged myself on a heath bar-milk dud cocktail so obviously my health wasn't a priority today.

The funny thing about being infertile is that I truly think I am pregnant EVERY single month. Yes, every month for the last 4 years I have thought I was pregnant. I have been nauseous, my boobs have hurt, I have been so incredibly tired, I have had indigestion like crazy...yes, for 4 years! Every month I say to myself 'this is it...I know it', and every month I have been disappointed.

This month I was a few days late, although I am not exactly regular so you think I would have prepared myself for instances like this...but no. I just go on and let myself think that maybe just maybe I am pregnant. Then BAM! When the results come in I take a downward spiral like you've never seen. I turn into some crazy EMO B!! I don't like doing this to myself, yet I continue to do it. Every month.

I just read a story about a girl in a situation much like mine and it inspired me. She said that instead of spending her time being sad and depressed she used it to improve herself (health & weight) and improve the bond between her and her husband. Perhaps, I will adopt this much more pleasant way of life...but, my family on the other hand may think I have been abducted by aliens and replaced by a clone.