Fertility Business

The most important secret that I can share about the infertile life is that... it is darn expensive to be infertile. It's kind of like a double whammy. Not only are you incompetent at producing children but also we are going to make sure you are in debt for the rest of your life. It makes me think...what did I ever do to deserve this??? Don't answer that!

My husband and I are ready to start fertility treatments again. Last year we spent about 5K on our treatments...which is not considered a lot in the fertility world! So, this time I decided to do some shopping around. I actually called other fertility clinics to find out how much they charge for certain fertility treatments. So, basically I am selling the fate of my next child to the lowest bidder...probably not the best idea. BUT - lucky for me, my current doctor's office (which I love) is the most reasonable. So it all worked out. Well, not yet. But, here's hoping.

And Get this - due to the current economy many fertility clinics (mine included) are offering a partial refund if you do not actually bring a baby home from the hospital. Are we crazy??? (Yes, we are.) We are accepting refunds for our babies. What about when our children grow up and decide to drop out of college and travel Europe to "find themselves," or wreck the family car, or get speeding tickets, or arrested for under age drinking, or trash the house by throwing wild parties while mom and dad are out of town...who do we see about that refund?? Not, that I am complaining about the refund part...I just never thought I would ever utter the words "baby refund." Crazy how life turns out.

It turns out that fertility is as much a business as it is a science. It involves a lot of transactions, treatments, procedures, and even financing.

Hopefully, I'll be receiving my MBA (mother by assistance) soon.

Baby Shower!

Well, tomorrow is the big day...a day dreaded by Infertiles everywhere. I am going to a baby shower!

It is for a dear sweet friend, and I am so happy for her. Really, I am. I am happy for her, but sad for me. I know, I know...infertiles have a way of making everything about "them". It is just one of the secrets. We don't intend to do it, things just hit us differently. Instead of seeing it as "isn't it wonderful that she is going to have a baby" we see it as " isn't it terrible that I am not having a baby."

I often see women, pregnant women, and think what is so special about her? What is she doing that I am not doing? Does God think she is a better mother than me? Is she more worthy of being a mother? We don't say these things out loud (well, sometimes we do), but we think them...and any infertile who says they don't is a liar! (I mean that in a funny way)

One of the Secrets to living the infertile life is to put on a happy face and keep your mouth shut! Just smile and nod. Especially at a baby shower!! If you do make the mistake of opening your mouth one of two things will happen: 1) you will say something (unintentional) about your desire to have a baby or lack of a child and will then make every one feel sorry for you and be known as the "who invited that girl - Debbie Downer". Or 2) you will say something (probably intentional but without thinking first) rude and sarcastic when everyone starts complaining about how terrible it was to be pregnant (which will happen - show me a baby shower where no one complains about pregnancy and I'll show you the liquor they must have put in the punch) and then you will just be known as someones bitchy friend...so my advice is to just smile and nod. Don't say a word!

Be sweet!

Resolutions!

Well, Christmas came and went...and needless to say Santa did not bring us a baby. Oh, well. He did however bring us 5 glorious pounds of holiday goodness! Like I needed that! Great, so I am fat...but not pregnant. Awesome!

Actually, I am not bummed at the moment. I mean gaining 5 lbs. sure sucks, but I am actually in a good place right now. I am trying to make the best of every moment that I have. I started thinking, when we finally do have a baby it is really going to suck what with the whole NO SLEEP and all. So, I am just going to try and enjoy every babyless day that I have until they are gone. Don't get me wrong...I want these babyless days to go away, but until they do I might as well enjoy them...right?

So, I've made another list...a list of "Babyless Resolutions" if you will (if you haven't noticed...I like making lists). Here it goes:

I resolve to do the following while I am babyless...

• sleep late whenever possible...and by late I mean 10ish is perfectly acceptable (so is 11ish)
• cook meals for my family...real meals, not just crap thrown in a pot and cooked to death. Fresh produce, lean meats, yummy homemade things...you know the stuff I will not have time to make once I do have a baby. (Disclaimer: I will not commit to any set number of "home cooked" meals per week...so don't get excited!)
• Sit at the table and eat together, every meal - no exceptions (this is something we do already, but I know when we have a baby it won't always be possible)
• Go out on a date with my husband at least once a month...maybe twice! (again, we kind of already do this...but I think I take it for granted)
• wear sexy nighties to bed...every now and then (Disclaimer: I will however have my t-shirt and pajama pants on stand by and as soon as he goes to sleep the lacy crap will be history! I love dressing up, and I love buying lingerie...but I hate to sleep in it)
• work out...when I can. I am not going to put limits on it, I am just going to say that I will make every effort to work out more, while I can.
• I am going to kiss my husband...not an "I want to have sex kiss" just s kiss, because after almost 9 years of marriage you kind of forget about kissing...I want to remind myself what it is all about!
• spontaneous sex...(Infertile Secret: sex becomes part of dinner conversation when you are in the realm of fertility/infertility...it sort of loses it's flair. We have done a really good job of getting back to the "flair" so I am going to enjoy the "flair" while I can. Also, I remember what sex was like after having a baby...I think that is when I started to indulge in the ol' adult beverage...it wasn't always fun and perfect, especially if one breast feeds...anyway, I am just going to get my flair on while I can!
• Saturday Night Live - I use to live for this show...I love staying up late just to watch it...well, that is IF THEY WOULD HAVE A NEW EPISODE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE! Anyway, when a baby comes I doubt I will ever stay up late enough to watch...so I am going to get my SNL fix in the mean time!
• Bubble baths - i am going to take a bubble bath and LOCK the door several times a week! A really, really hot one where you can see the steam rising from the beneath the 10 inches of bubbles...oh, yeah!!!
• Hang out with my son...I spend a lot of time with him, but like the date nights I think I take it for granted. I am sure that no matter how much I love my next child I will miss the good ol' days of he and I just cruising around town doing our own thing. I will miss when things were easy. I will LOVE the new life, but I will remember the times I had alone with my first born and they will make me smile! I resolve to enjoy those little moments, make the best of them, and let God know just how very grateful I am that he has once already chosen me to be a mother.
• Be thankful...I resolve to be thankful and enjoy the gifts that God has given me...I am sure that I will still complain about my infertile situation and I may even gripe and cry...but I will never forget just how blessed I truly am.

Here is to a NEW YEAR, may it bring you blessings! And me...a baby! :)